This may come as a surprise, but the Internet is full of meanies. Twitter, in particular, is a rich repository of social detritus. Its streamlined creative format lends itself well to pithy humor, instantaneous news and concise distillations of writing one might not otherwise dive into. It also gives voice to millions of people too lazy or unimaginative to articulate a thought in a space larger than a text message.
One tiresome phenomenon endemic to Twitter is the parody account. More often than not they’re formulaic, doltish and harmlessly attention-seeking enterprises. But it’s at the intersection of parody accounts and hateful assholes that one comes face to face with inexorable, profound ignorance. So it’s with some reluctance that I highlight one such example.
For the uninitiated, the auteur behind @NotJerryTipton apparently set out to lampoon the stoical Lexington Herald-Leader beat writer, and actually boasts more than three times as many followers as the genuine article. With his finger on the pulse of the Lexington zeitgeist, Not Jerry quickly graduated to more thought-provoking intellectual discourse on topics ranging from Duke to Louisville fans to Rick Pitino to, well, that’s it. Included below are a few of my personal favorites, accompanied by a little play-by-play and divided by genre.
“Man calls beautiful girl beautiful, other people get offended.” — The Webb/Musburger controversy, in a nutshell.
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) January 9, 2013
Pretty harmless, right? My boy Mus is just checkin’ out the merchandise. Did you see that baggy jersey she was wearing? Broad was asking for it.
Dean was right when said Pitino doesn’t cut corners. When he decides to impregnate a stranger & pay for the abortion, by gosh, he does it.
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) November 18, 2012
Once again, a little tasteless but the haters should lighten up. I would quibble that abortion is––technically––the ultimate corner cutter, but whatever.
Pitinocare > Obamacare. (Pitinocare is a government program whereby every American female 55 or older gets $3,000 of “health insurance.”)
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) October 9, 2012
HAHauhh. Wait, these bear timestamps from a couple months ago? I imagined they were from two and a half years ago, before everyone moved on with their lives.
Tulane to the Big East. What used to be a pretty nice neighborhood is now a ghetto. Hope you like living next door to a crack house, Cards.
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) November 27, 2012
Why wouldn’t someone jump to analogize a top-50 research institution to a crack house in a ghetto? Surely has nothing to do with any pejorative stereotypes about New Orleans.
Coach K, on Jabari Parker’s commitment to Duke: “He may not be white, but he’s a Mormon. Good enough for me.”
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) December 20, 2012
Coach K: total racist, you guys. Did you know that Wes Unseld wanted to come to UK, but Adolf Rupp demurred only out of concern for the player’s safety in the backward SEC? It chaps my ass that the NAACP never recognized Rupp for his Pee Wee Reesean courage.
Louisville fans really pumped right now. You’d think they’re giving away tattoos & Swisher Sweets at the Yum! Center.
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) December 29, 2012
Well, ya’know, maybe he’s making a non-race-specific criticism of UofL fans being trashy and poor and this isn’t coded race baiting.
Lots of Louisville fans in New Orleans. Seems they’re turning Bourbon Street into Crown Royal Boulevard.
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) January 2, 2013
Oh, never mind. I think he’s just talking about black people. Insisting that the subject of such insults is the post-racial “Line beard” is a time-honored tradition of dodging this criticism, but it’s pretty obvious what the author is trying to convey.
In Kentucky, 17% of the population is Louisville fans. In Kentucky, 17% of the population lives below the poverty line. Coincidence?
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) December 27, 2012
What’s an easier target than people of color? The poor. And what’s funnier than 700,000 impoverished Kentuckians? They probably won’t even protest, what with being too busy working two jobs to get on Twitter and admonish you.
Louisville fans totally pumped right now. It’s like food stamps are being handed out, if they handed out food stamps once every 4 years.
— Not Jerry Tipton (@NotJerryTipton) December 30, 2012
Wait, where are we getting all of our Swishers and Crown? EBT won’t cover those in Kentucky. Tattoos aren’t cheap either, for that matter.